Its never gonna be good nor its never gonna be great.
Deep down im hurt. Not by what had happen but to what is happening.
It ridiculous to just stare sumone u love from far, but din even have the grudge to say HI.
all u do is smile n luked down.
Im just trying my best to occupy myself with alot of stuffs, so i will get bz and wun think about anything else.

I almost give up being patience, but the love and the experience thought me not to.
Its up to him and its really up to u to make the choice.
Never ever did i include anyone other than my family members in my prayers, BUT YOU.

yes, i miss u tones. But ive taught to be humble.
yes, i love u alots. But i was taught to be 'chill'.

the glass ceiling lamp in the toilet broke wen i was brushing my teeth.
a bad sign.
the underside of my eye 'vibrates', which we malays believe its a sign that i will be crying.


Please do take note...that i love u so...
BUT DO YOU??

Sunday, June 29, 2008 ♥

This week very tiring week.
Start of with monday.
After school, DNT..then silat..
Ruddy took over class.
Tuesday, after school DNT.
Wednesday, after school DNT.
Thursday, after school DNT and NDP.
Friday, after school, O lvl Malay oral and DNT.
Saturday, 1 whole day NDP.
Sunday, madrasah then family outing.

Basically i will do my revision at night.
And i just realise i pay attention more in class compared to last semester.
And i guessed, ive to upload my entries in english.
So that i can improve my english and ive more friends of other races reading my blog.
Prelims in about 3 months time.
Wondering if i have enough time.

After PSK will determine my status.
Mum knows everything.
And she gave me tips on how to handle it.
well, just hope, the cold war between me n rizal will end quick.

And tmr is my silat performance in school.
Muhaimin,sharul,farah,umar,nazim and ruzaini..
Lets do our best peeps....!

@ 8:57 AM

Friday, June 27, 2008 ♥

I just feel like wanna jiwang jiwang.

No offence to anyone.

Its just a poem..

Kau membawa aku meneroka

Ke alam percintaan

Kau ajarkan aku kasih dan cinta

Kini aku pelajari benci dan kerinduaan..

Kau janjikan hujan

namun badai yang mendatang

Kau janjikan permata

namun kaca yang kau berikan..

Perasaan ini bercelaru

Memikirkan akhirnya pertalian ini

Yang telah lamaku pohon restu

Dari ayah dan umi..

Apakah ini salahku?

Yang hanya ingin bermanja denganmu..

Apakah ini silapku?

Kerna tidak menghitung pendirianmu..

Tika aku mengenang kembali saat bersama

Hatiku sebak tidak terkata

Mataku aku pejam rapat

Agar memori kita tidak 'kan hilang di mata..

Ohh kasih,
seandainya ini teruskan jawapanmu.. betapa bahagianya hatiku..
kerana dapat menjalinkan ikatan yang tergantung..tiada bertali..
membuat hatiku tiada degupan..
seandainya putus pilihanmu.. kan ku doakan kebahagiaan agar kehidupan kau kan terus bahagia
tanpa aku disisimu..
tak aku hiraukan panasnya badai...
kerana aku telah bersedia untuk airmataku yang mengalir.
tidak kira airmata yang diiringi kebahagiaan ataupun kesedihan...

@ 8:42 AM

♥

TEMAN TAPI MESRA

Long time no update.
busie with alot of things.
STUDY..COURSWORK..SILAT..

MALAY oral...DONE!

p/s:i nid him still......

@ 2:45 AM

Sunday, June 22, 2008 ♥

Yesterday NDP first preview end quite late.
I reached home at 12.45 am.
RECORD sak~
heh.

Tmr start schooling..
AND yahh, no more slacking.
HAVE TO START MUGGING.

All the best to PSK competitors.
Especially to him.
Cudden bear to watch him in glanggang.
Takot emo nti.
heh.

i just feel that i begin to contact most of my primary school peeps.
miss them though.

& i miss you so...

@ 6:00 AM

Friday, June 20, 2008 ♥

Rizal,
Biarlah ikatan ini tergantung. At least, i still can meddle with our memories. Maafkan i, sebab i tak mampu menjadi seorang teman yang u inginkan. Maafkan i sebab hati u i hancurkan dengan kekater kesat. Bukan niat i, namun, kemarahan yang banyak menghakis perasaan kesabaran. I tak ader niat untuk menghancurkan hati u. SUNGGUH.

Perasaan i suci dan luhur untuk u. I was confident to be with u back as again. But after that night, i know how wrong i was. You were angrier then i tot, i tak tau nikmat kesabaran aper yang i perolehi sehinggakan i blh berdiam walau mcm maner you tinggikan suare. I tak tau kehormatan yang setinggi maner yang i ada buat u sehinggakan i berdiam walaupun jawapannyer i ada. I just feel im a little girl, scolded by a father for being rude.

I went the nite without asking u how are u, have u eaten, have u had enuf rest or not. AND IT SERIOUSLY FUCKINGLY SUCKS! i hate that one nite where i have to go through a series of wake up and sleep. Tidur i tk lena u. I felt so incomplete without asking u all the question i usually ask. And i felt even not insecured deep inside, wen i had not said, 'Gdnyte Syg, i love u b..' I am not me on that night. Yeah, it truly sucks. I tried my best not to hold on to my handphone. Coz i noe, the msg tone wun play and the call tone wun ring. I stay far away from my handphone so i wun luk at our pictures and the sweet msges u gave me and even edit the msges that ive saved for you to read long ago. Tapi, tak sempat. Ive not found the right time to let u read it.

YES, no relationship will survive with both party being self-centered. And no relationship will survive with egoism. But i noe it will, if one of the party gives in. BUT the big question is...TILL WHEN?? I hate myself for being ego. But, im willing to give in just for the matter of love. You entered my life wen i need sum1 to be with me.You were the light to my darkest path. You lit up wen i whisper ur name. And u be by me as soon as i almost tumble; so, i cud held on to ur arms.

Rizal, ive never felt the way i feel right now. The more i wanna ferget about being with u again, the more i fell in love with u. And wen, ive almost succeeded not to contact u a day, u asked me wad was i doing. WHAT DOES DAT MEANS?? do u love me? do u miss me? do u nid me? wud u hug me like u used to? wud u held my hand like always? wud u let my hands touch ur cheeks? wud u let my fingers pinch ur nose? wud u let me whisper the 3 werds into ur ears? WILL THAT HAPPEN AGAIN?! if ever a day goes by without u hearing from me,please do noe that, i love u more than i love u. I miss u more than ive used to, and i nid you more than i wan u. Coz without YOU, i will be asphyxiated; breathless...

AND, if ever a time comes, if i had to go far away from u, do know that i treasure every seconds of time that i spent with u including, in my sleep. I wun begged u to cum to my life again, coz im afraid,it will be out of sympathy.. i wun show u how sad i am,if u were to leave me,because i dun want u to feel bad.. But at least, say goodbye...before u leave...

p/s: i fuckingly miss him. n i seriously nid u more than i wan u.

@ 9:07 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2008 ♥

Hanya seketika aku terpanah

Melihat wajahmu merah merona

Menahan rasa marah gulana

Yang seharusnya kita tempuhi bersama...

Aku resah seribu kali resah

Biarpun bibir menyatakan pergi

Hatiku menyuruh dikau kembali

Tetapi siapa aku untuk menipu diri??

No hopes..

@ 9:52 AM

Sunday, June 15, 2008 ♥

MEMORIES

First fight on my secondd month with hubbie.
He is my corner man. At first i tot i cudden make it.
But then wen the more experience one like, raoff, eunos, ahmat and one of the kakak, taught me tricks i felt a lil confident.
Wen hubbie put on the vest for me i feel good.
N wen i said im not ready, he pull the vest upward n tap on it n tell me, "u betta fite properly"
I could feel he is putting more n more hopes on me.
Opponent kicked twice on my groin. Then she stepped on my foot wen i sapu. I bentes her left foot with my right footwen i noe that my foot is actuallie injured.
Then bcz of my continuous punch, i waas given the label, ANAK MD ALI.the best boxer.
THANKS.
Hubbie was my corner man. I tried to apply wad he asked to do to my fite.
And end of round 3, he gave me the five, and said, its ur game while he put tie the red tali on me.
i luked dwn wen the waasit hold my sleeves. Then wen announced that sudut merah won, i luk up n smile then salam n hugged my opponent. Then i walked off.
Thanks to my syg,eunos ans frends and sis.
Congrats to my sis for the gold award to.
AND no thank to the anak md ali.......

@ 8:10 AM

Friday, June 13, 2008 ♥

JENG JENG JENG

All i had to do is to pray hard and do my best.
As i've promised u a pay before you went off.
It's not u that im worried of, but it's me that im scared of.
The influence that i might be facing is much more greater than what u may go through.
But wadeva it is, i've loved u more than i should.
I cared for u more than i used to.
I missed you than ive said it.
And i nid u be wif me here longer than long.
Before i end it, promise me, that u will nvr end the light that uve shone at me.

~15 April 2008~

@ 8:07 AM

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 ♥

COMPETITION

I had the mixed feeling of wanting n not wanting to go for today's training.
Yar its not compulsory, but Hubby told me to go.
I drag myself from bed,went to wash up n changed.
Then, went thr, had to spar with HALIJAH.
OK GOOD.
I had to go for a competition in Tampines on this saturday.
Will miss NDP training.
Fri will hve extra class.
Tmr,i'd to train my speed n fitness.
A very last minute oneeee..

And to my dearest childhood buddy:

Love urself before u let others love u. Treasure what's on you before letting people to grade you. Be urself and never try being others just to let someone love you. Think good of urself before you start degrading about urself. And remember, YOU'RE more than gorgeous my dearr..
Wish me all the best.
As,hubbie told me to get him the medal.
Like as if i can.

@ 9:05 AM

♥

NGANTOK.

Yes, back from causeway point mitting rizal and back from dunnoe-where with shu.
Yesterday nite, i was reading my novel about an English Guy named, Dave Pelzer.
Its at about 1.30 am wen my dad came knocking into my door.
He lie down on my bed by my side and grab my phone.
He then browse through my hp.
My heart thumping real fast cause i have not delete hubbie's msg.
I thought he is gonna scold me for having a guy despite my bad mid-year result.
Instead, my dad asked me what is his name.
After that, i felt easy talking out to my dad.
About my previous and recent love.
He said, "Belajar betol2.Jadi nti biler ayah dh tk der..Akak senang..Jadi contoh pada adik2."
I replied,"Insya-Allah."
He asked,"Kalau ayah dh tkder cm ner?"
I sat up and said,"Jangan ckp gitu arr..im not ready to face it."
He wished me gdnyte and asked for a kiss.

Today in the morning,i was preparing to go out, mum nagged at me for having a guy.
Previously,it was dad who disapproved me to have a guy, Now mum.
But wen she knew its rizal, she shut up and asked to to take care of myself ad this relationship.
Syukur. Mak Bapak aku restu aku ngn dier....

Today, i met rizal, had early lunch at kfc then went up to watch KUNFU PANDA, which i am suppposed to watch with sufiah and lily, but i cudden make it on fri either thurs.
As im blogging here, Shu is beside me...DAMN BLOODY IRRITATING!...

@ 2:51 AM

Monday, June 9, 2008 ♥

It meant to be a test.

B, i am gonna bury u alive for doing that to me.


And shu, u had a great laugh at me ehh.


*member pasrah beb.


Thanks ehh korang.


Sufiahhh, thanks fer hearing me..





I realised dat i love u more than i knew.


I realised dat i nid u more than i do.


I tot that u are gonna leave me without saying goodbye.


I pictured you walk away without those hugs n kisses.


I looked up upon the deep blue sky, and saw u smile at me saying,


'If just now i hadnt said the three most important werds,now im gonna say it infrnt of u.'


You held up my chin and said..' I love you'


My heart thumps faster than it usually does.


As my hands sandwiched on urs.


I grabbed it hard as i smile and pinch u.....





Yess my dear, i love u more n more n more......

@ 9:19 AM

Sunday, June 8, 2008 ♥

WHY?

I wish i cud run in the rain; so i could tell u that i did not cry.

I wish that the sun will go around; so that i need not face today.

I wish that my hart will play hide-and-seek; at least u wun have the chance to pierce it.

I wish that i wud close my eyes forever; rather than to live with ur silence.

I only manage to wish and hope. But will it happen?

I try not to let my tears flow, cause i dun wanna drift myself to hate u for letting me cry.

When i realised that tears are forming at the edge of my eye, i shed it by lukking around and stare into thin air and not letting it flow. I ask myself why is it so? well, the inside me answered, 'Cause i love u so..'

@ 10:03 PM

♥

HEADLINE:

I dun noe wads up with me.

I felt like writing about me n you. About where we begin our ferst message, talk and meet.

I was gossiping about him on fon wif ur dearly lil cuzzin. My age. Then, u interupt and asked me, 'namer siaper?skolah maner?tinggal maner?umo braper?single ke tak?' Then i answered. I din noe why was my heart thumping damn fast while talking to you. But maybe, its my first time talking to u. Then u ask for my number. I told u to get it from her.

A few days back frm melacca. I got a msg frm u. I replied. Then we begin messaging. Then kolling. Then we planned to mit. It was 14 August last yr. We met at Woodlands control station. Then we walk together. First we talked about him, then silat, then u, then me...

It was when a day, the old love contacted me. I developed that laziness to contact u. So i lied, saying that i wanna sleep,but actually i was waiting fer his kols. HEH. I noe. *sowie lahh syg...

Days and weeks pass by..We din contact like we use to last time. Sooner, we lost contact. I changed my number.. So do u. Heard u got new gal, same goes to me.. No news i hears frm u...

Then..one day, at fagrant silat class, u came. I tried my best not to look at u. I adjust my headress to ensure u wun recognise me since the first day we met. We talked, but its a dry one. About how i kicked that padding u held in ur hands. Then, monday silat class, saw u sitting in front of our t.m.. u said,'Eh, dekni pun ader?' Like duh, thats my training centre my dear. I was still hoping u wun tok about me. Then, as training days wen on n on, u begin to tok MORE. U use the term, AWAK-KITER in our convosation. Then one day, u said u knew me and asked for my number. WELL, i gave. Then we contact with each other everyday. Till a day, u want me to come into ur life. AND here i am...by ur side....with u..

p/s: sing me 'WITH YOU' will you??

@ 4:48 AM

Friday, June 6, 2008 ♥

DEPRIEVE OF CHILDHOOD

TIME CHECK : 9.45 pm

Its hard to start. 'Cause i dun noe whr to begin.
Sufiah n i won in the MOUTH battle wit shyda.
Anak-anak abu. Long story. So...malas nk story.
WEDNESDAY mcm the GADO day g2.
Walk out of school. A couple approached me.
Saying that im the gal of HER guy. Which i dun evven KNOW!
THEN she slapped me. TAK PRASAN LAH SEEEHHH.
But then i got my revenge. Hard knock on the tummyyyy....
Silat is getting boring. ESPECIALLY the people that i dun wann see.
Bcause of them, i quarrelled with HUBBY.

Thursday...
Went to pool wid my mommeeehh n adeks2.
Mum bought me new sandals.
Worth 16.90 in Singapore currency.
WELL, had been looking at peeps using it..
kinda want and not. BUT AT LAST, got IT.


Friday...
HAHA.
GEOGG boring. ENGLISH??
slept about 20 minutes before class ends.
When actually im tired being too hyper in the beginning.
Mrs TAN may be very tired of asking me to shut up n sit up straight.
She even banged on my table. SOOOOO WHAT!
HEH. then go ACE with lydia n SUFIAH.
as usual slack. Lydia went off early. Sufiah n me at ACE talking n crapping.
Then suddenly, we thought about playing skipping ropes, we even went to the extend of buying it. And skipped under our block. THERE are videos. BUT i tink it shud be PRIVATE.
Then Sufiah learn some skills from me.
HOPE SHE USE IT WISELY. ESPECIALLY IF ANYONE WANNA ATTACK HER.

TOMORROW SILAT (NDP) at platform.

p/s: w/o HUBBY.

@ 6:40 AM

Sunday, June 1, 2008 ♥

I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH!

Long time no update.
Bukan taknak update, tapi terbantot.
WELL, the laziness, the busyness, the tak kuaser-ness overcome my WANT to update.

BASICALLY,
SHU AND ME ARE OKAY OREADY!
kiter dah jd romantik mcm dlu blekk.
heh.

SCHOOL holidae not for graduating classes.
IT MEANS...
not for me..

GOT CLASS LEH!
tu tkper..i GOT FLU!
today is the like 4th day.
i refuse to tke medicine or go doc.
HEHE..
bukan takot...tp segann.
anw,td at geylang saw lily.
bought three new tudong.- white,red and pink....
and 1 red blouse.

mama macam baek g2 akhir2 ni.
like...kiter mcm rapat g2.
no no no!
i mean...MEMANG!

I MISS MY HUBBBY LAHH.
4 hari tk jmp mcm 4 bulan.
belom lagi dier gi bruneiiii!
haishhhh.
anw..i loveeee bangat sama diaa.
hpe tht azhar agree to chg glanggang for the canberra zone.
heh.so tht i can mit him tmr.
rindu lahhhh BODOH!
hehe.....
ok aku blah!

@ 5:55 AM