Every time i breathe, i got hiccups. Every time i cough, i sneeze. Every time i think, i think about NEXT. I cudden wait for 271009. But i am afraid, that i cudden get hold of it. I wanna be his birthday present again. The best one that could listen, talk and hold of you. The thing that happens often now is, for me to shed my tears. I no longer could stop it from strolling. But as each second past, i begin to get frightened and even petrified.





After the long message i texted to hubby last night after we hang up our call, i discovered a positive change in hubbie behaviour. He did not react like he used to last time when i talk about the freedom i wanted. The freedom i meant was, not to be freed from him, but for him to understand what is in need of me. I need the time not only stucking my ass at home when he is out somewhere. But instead to be able to socialise myself like i used to before i am with him. I know, i would keep on breaking his trust if he would not give me what i exactly wanted. I just need him to understand my everything. The whole thing in me. I do not want to regret on what may and would happen in later days. It has been 3 wonderful years being on this roller coaster ride with him. And this ride is the ride i treasured most. He is way off different from my previous. I am unsure if they might read this, but heck care. Hubbie did not only steals inches of my heart each second/day, but he also bring me to lala land. It a'int funny. Instead is is holy true. Sickos. Only Sickos thinks that it is false. He isn't mushy at all times. He isn't a bore. He is the only one that could irritate, scold, beat me real bad but he still manage to draw a smile on my face from ear to ear. Definitely. U think it is easy to do that? Have you ever had a couple that you could hit them real hard till they injured, like the pain when a heavy few tonnes of roller cages run on you little tiny weeny toe, but yet, you still manage to laugh your ass off after that? well, hubbie is the one that i am talking of. The one that I could, laugh, cry, venge my anger on at any particular seconds i need. WWW, have you ever heard a convo like this....

"You are the torch that lit the darkest path that i walked
through. You are my amazing partner for this exciting and amazing roller coaster
ride. WOOhoo. I bet you know what i mean."