It had been awhile. And still i feel that i am not important in you presence. I
know i am making wild accusations to accuse you of neglecting me. But at times,
its not only that hand of yours to be around me, the words of love and missing
me always to linger in my thought, but its the act of yours that counts. I
had never been a great 'someone' to you. And i just wish and hope that 'someone'
will come to cherished your every moments. I am not trying to overcome who you
are. And as that ego swells in you, i thought, i am being self-centred. I don't
know what i am talking about. I myself don''t understand. Then, how can i
make you understand?

Saturday, September 19, 2009 ♥

Bergema takbir memuji kebesaran ILLAHI, syahdu hati terusik jiwa. Mengenang kembali betapa cepatnya masa berlalu. Sayang sekali, ramadhan ini, kesempatan yang diberi tak aku gunakan sebaik mungkin. Aku lali akan tanggungjawabku sebagai seorang muslimah. Mudah sekali setiap insan berkata, manusia tak lari dari khilaf dosa, fikirlah wahai hamba ILLAHI, jika itu prinsip setiap manusia, tiada yang akan hindari dari melakukan kesilapan...Bukan kah begitu??

Sedang aku asyik mendengar takbir, aku leka memikirkan yang telah tiada. Yang akan pergi bersama masa pada akhir ramadhan ini. Tercalit sedikit demi sedikit kenangan bersama, waktu membuat persiapan hari raya. Titisan demi titisan air mata bergenang. Tak dapat lagi ku tahan sebaknya dada.

Kini, harus aku atur jari jemariku, yang kaku, untuk pohon maaf buat semua. sempena bulan syawal yang menjelang. Hiasilah hidup mu dengan rahmat yang Allah berikan, agar terjamin masa yang akan datang. Insya-ALLAH.

~Sekian, selamat hari raya.. Maaf zahir dan batin.

Labels: It takes two hands to clap.

@ 9:35 AM

Friday, September 18, 2009 ♥

Raya preparation was hectic. Since, Insyira refuses to wear pink on first day, we had to change the colour to other. The pick was BLACK, again. Well, alhamdulilah that we still afford to get everyone a piece, at least, of a new outfit.

Hubby and me will be wearing orange this year. He bought me a kebaya. He pampered me just too much that dad even commented on it. Well, see how far it goes. *grins*

Syira birthday was over. I got her a Manchester United Jersey. Hubby got her a wallet. Mum and dad got her a guitar. Enough of that. Just wishing her a happy life throughout. May a blissful journey, she'll lead. All the best, dear.

Syira,
Akak tau ela akan bacer post akak. Akak nak ela tau betapa sayang akak pada adik2. Tak ader kurang atau lebih buat korang. Sebagai seorang akak, akak nak lihat setiap kejayaan akak korang jejaki dan setiap kegagalan dan kelemahan akak korang jadikan pedoman untuk masa yang akan datang. Tak ader orang sempurna,dik. Termasuk akak. Akak tau, akak pernah gagal menjadi seorang akak yang baik buat korang. Akak harap adik2 akak dapat terima akak seadanya. Jangan hampakan harapan mama dan ayah. Setiap harapan mama dan ayah adalah setiap permintaan yang harus kita langsaikan bersama, dik. Akak tau, untuk belajar bukan perkara yang mudah. Apatah lagi untuk berjaya dalam setiap bidang. Perlahan-lahan, adik akan dapat garap setiap kesusahan dan kepayahan meniti proses pembelajaran ini. Akak akan sentiasa menjadi pendengar dan penasihat yang setia buat setiap adik2 akak. Akak harap, tahun yang akan datang ini, ela akan lebih tekad dan bersemangat untuk belajar. Kalahkan setiap markah akak, akak tk kecewa,dik. Tapi akak bangga sekurang-kurangnya, aik-adik akak lebih bijak dari akak. Tapi, janganlah adik lupa asalmu. Janganlah adik lupa bahawa, sebelummu ada insan yang sudah melalui titi itu.. Agar kau menjadi insan yang sempurna di satu hari kelak. Amin.






LABELS : Take care.

@ 11:44 AM

Sunday, September 13, 2009 ♥

Exhausted.
Hubbie's friend did not manage to turn up to help my paint my house. So i did it with hubbie and a little help from Syira. Nurul was testing my patience too much till I yelled and dragged her to the dining table. She cried helplessly but i won't care less. I just cudden understand myself. I tend to get out of control sometimes. I get angry and sad out of no reason. By all it means, i think, i am better at bottling it up and keeping it in me. I get very little sleep and tomorrow will be my second round of painting. The balcony and dining room left..

~ dad was teasing me. he said i was hardworking like i never before. and he said, "JARANG orang perempuan cat(paint not cat)rumah."

~ but the manly ego in him just refuse to agree with me that there are ladies tht paint their house.. I mean, that is the only time to get dirty reasonably so those, "ee here, ee there, ee ee everywhere."


I hate it if people uses their intelligence as a weapon. seriously stupid.


Tomorrow, i will get my outfit with hubbie for raya. Just cudden wait. In fact, I miss him so much. "Sesungguhnya Kami sedang berpuasa.."

















LABELS : Love you like i never did.

@ 9:03 AM

Saturday, September 12, 2009 ♥

ok, i am going to do this like i never did before.

I just miss being good like i used to. But i just wanted to be bad so that people won't say, "Look, stepping on her head is uberly easy.". But i know, this will turn me 360 degrees inhuman. Which, i don't want it to happen. It is all about the sacrifces made for this to happen you see. Well, i know, none of you understand what i am trying to convey here, but as a lady that shouldered alot of responsibilities, i think, some things are meant to be untold. Just as much i realise, i forgot all about my malay vocab that i had squeezed out from my human brain during my O levels which is June last year. It has been a year i stop writing malay composition and i do realise that i am getting far from worst in my malay language. I tried, but i cudden, it sound so funny lahh.. oklah, i wud try once here. And if it really sound stupid, just shut up.



Tak aku sangka begitu pantas masa berlalu. Meninggalkau aku terpinga-pinga mengira waktu. Tersusun rapat jari jemariku, hanya untuk mengukur masa yang tiada akhirnya. Kini sudah tiba masanya, umat Islam membuat persiapan perayaan bersama ahli keluarga dan insan yang di sayangi. Tak terluput jua pada insan yang telah pergi. Bukan itu yang selalu terjadi pada pagi raya? Menziarah makam orang yang tersayang. Biarpun bertahun berlalu, namun, namamu kekal di ingatan. Adinda yang pergi kerna terseksa dengan penyakit, membuat aku terkenang kembali saat dikau memanggilku kakak. Membuat air jernih mengalir dari kelopak mataku. Halus wajahmu ku belai, dikala saat terakhir aku tatapi wajahmu, kini hanya tinggal potret mu di dalam genggamanku..

Nenda yang menjadi teman hidupku sejak ku di bangku persekolahan. Yang hanya tiada ngerti untuk membaca dan menulis, menaruh harapan buatku seorang. Untuk belajar hingga ke menara gading.

HANYA Al-FATEHAH boleh ku hadiahkan, buat bekalan di masa depan..






AMIN.

@ 12:25 PM

♥

It was done all over again.


"She is lovely."















Labels : SAID by a wisdom man.

@ 12:12 PM

Friday, September 11, 2009 ♥

Beneath my breathe i uttered i love you.
Deep in my heart i knew i missed you.

It was my working day today. I knew i am falling sick and sicker each day. Feeling like it is ending soon and sooner. Just as much i seem to bother, later in me, I said, this is all. I what i could. And prove to him as much as i could.

I had endless night thinking. When this will end? I thought it won't, but it just did today..

Hubbie break fast with me at admiralty KFC. WE ate 2 piece chicken. Thats all i guess. HEH. Actually no, there is still chocolate that we bought on different occasion on the same day and place even. Though, i cudden fast, but i still manage to refrain from eating and drinking just to respect fello malay customers that are fasting and my lovely friend.

I am sorry, if I am the cause that it happens. Please, get back as before. Hari raya eve is coming, the day we are celebrating the victory and plus asking and giving forgiveness.




















LABELS : Just get backk...

@ 11:16 AM

Tuesday, September 8, 2009 ♥

Went for an outing with hubbie to geylang. Umi, mira and nadrah tagged along.


Ive just got this to say..

"You don't understand the meaning of prioritise"

Labels : Who cares?

@ 8:58 AM

Saturday, September 5, 2009 ♥

I am getting bored-bored-ded and even bored. Im tired and so tired.

With the life im going through, i know it could not get me anywhere. Having a close companion like the one you love, sure enuf u are going to have alot of ups and downs. I had my downs yesterday. Its really terrifying that you know you will almost lose the one you love.



~ misunderstanding, what else.







I am tired of waiting of all night. All alone. Waiting for kols every now and then. Waiting for answers every moment. The vibration to my cell phone. The patience in me is getting thinner. I do know how else to withstand the overslept moment. The first thing that i hope for is to get a morning msg from him. But all i get is by looking at the time and whine and sigh and close my eyes. I pretend to sleep but actually im waiting for his msg. I tried my ultimate best not to teared, but things in me aren't strong enuf. Im just asking a day of your time with me.





















































Labels : i am exhausted.

@ 10:21 AM