How do you feel if you get to know that people from your centre don't support you but instead backstabbed your bloddy trust that you gave her since the day you be part of the team? And pathetically, its your team manager that is incharge of you.

No wonder, people that had already excel in your place had gone to other place, no matter how far it takes to go for trainings that worth their money. And here, i would say that, i will drift my ass of your bloody centre. This also clearly explains why the hell you centre have only a number of people that i can count with my 5 dreadful fingers.

I hate you. I seriously do.
Insolent.

You go behind my back telling my opponent my weak points and my injury. Well, ALLAH is with me. I pray for the best and everything is to HIS will.

The point that i injured gone bad. I got more phobiatic. I enjoyed silat. Alot. But now, people around me had gone too far. Pushing me over my limits. Imagine, one whole week you go for trainings. When even the people around you realise that you are facing a tough fight later. Somehow, i will do my uberly best to bring 'national' players down. Even if takes for me to lose. I will lose with pride and win with dignity. I will prove to that old cocky woman that i can be better than the person she supports. And after that, i will make my move out of her centre. I HATE HER. seriously i do.

During olahraga training, i did regu myself. To get the tempo the beat, the timing the stances, the strength. Then when i mit up with my members, its time to synchronize. i know, or somehow know that they thought i may not be serious when comes to training days, but for goodness sake, i don't take it lightly. But im dividing my time for both. For tanding and seni equally.

I had this feeling that i won't get the scholarship. Everytime i got back home, the only question i asked is, "Got any letters?" and the answer is always no. Oh c'mon. I know this is not the dead end, but this is the only way for me to go through poly life without any hiccups. Dear ALLAH, help me.


Labels : Exhausted i am.

Thursday, May 28, 2009 ♥

I uberly miss spending my time and days with my family.
Go out for an outing, dinner and recreation.
I really miss those fun moments.
Well, i have to upcoming competitions.
I have been working so hard on it since the day i was announced to be part of the competing team. I am trying my very best to give equal time for my regu and tanding.
Lucky enough, i dropped tunggall earlier. Although i burn out my 12 bucks. Its ok, there is always next time.

I had this up and dowm momentum for my tanding. All i could feel is the sudden inertia in me. K now,i only have one wish, how i wish i could spar with a guy or someone taller and bigger than me. To build up the confidence in me. And the perfect choice i have for now is hubbie himself.
One thing, if he get the point, he will laugh, and i get agitated with makes me work harder to block and attack back. Thank you sayang for the encouragement and support.

I plan everything, and it's up to ALLAH to grant it or not. I only can tawakal.






Labels : Medal for regu. Please.

@ 8:05 AM

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 ♥

How hard can it ever be?
How tiring it is to go for classes without enough sleeps?
I went for trainings with a heavy heart.
I don't feel belong. At all.
Im utterly dissapointed at myself.

I know i can never be a girl of thousand great personality.
That understand her partner well.
That could give him a great solution to his every problem.
But i know, and what is obvious,
I love him all of my heart.

I have no support for my fight.
Including my sis.
I am sad.
Totally.
Hope hubbie would train me well.








Labels : I don't nid T.O.N.A.
(talk only, no action)

@ 9:00 AM

Thursday, May 21, 2009 ♥

sorry for the break.
i was caught up with alot of things not traffic jams.
But seriously, im tired. to train every day in a week.
especially inter-grasio and ivp is nearing.
how do you exactly feel if you find out that you will be fighting with a national athlete?
that brought glory and pride to the singapore silat federation.

i am confident of a good fight. butim not confident of winning.
im just so petrified.
i am not ready for everything.

i have been skipping ivp training these days.
im afraid im bringing the group back.
im sorry guys..

alot of assignments and projects to be done.
first enigineering mathematics test is next week monday.
engineerng mechanics test past.

congratulate hubbie for securing a place in BMC for studies in service skills.
i will support you sayang.
make the dreams of your loves one come true.
during training the other day, hubbie, accidentally kicked my butt.
get back home, during bath, got one big bruise.
how to develop butt muscle?
anyone know tak??

ok lahh.
im tired.

CHALO!

@ 4:06 AM

Sunday, May 17, 2009 ♥

I know its outdated to update about this.
But i can never remember what to update about if i started to update.
when i am resting on my couch, then i realised, "eh forgot to update about this and that lah"





Mas selamat captured.
Ok now, lets go a little bit of politics.
Before that, plaudits the M'sian government to capture the most wanted fugitive in Singapore.
Mas Selamat bin Kastari, an Indonesian-born Singaporean, was for more than a year Singapore's most-wanted fugitive after escaping from detention. The search for him has been described as the largest manhunt ever launched in Singapore. He was captured over a year after his escape.

Blame Singapore's level of complacency for the escaped. It was such an embarassment for a country that was known for the tight security level to have reports and cases of an escape of a fugitive. Even on of the professor in NUS said that, "Twice, mas selamat had escaped and was recaptured by our neighbouring country. This clearly shows that our neighbouring country are intelligent than us."

Im proud to be the citizen of singapore. Every day in primary and secondary level of education, my friends and i recite the pledge to show our loyalty and pride of being a singaporean. singapore also known as the green country, tight and high level of security, failed to keep a limping fugitive in the detention centre. In addition, the captured of the fugitive was achieved by our neighbours. Question yourself if you should be proud of Singapore like you should?


"We the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race,
language or religion,
to build a democratic society,
based on justice and equality,
so as to achieve,
happiness, prosperity and progress,
for our nation."


Other than that, let's look on to the above pledge. Read the pledge that was said and repeated by the students and people of Singapore especially on 9 August. "Regardless of race, language or religion," shows that Singapore is a multi-racial country.

Buy a copy of the New paper, Straits time tommorow. You are sure to see, "able to liase with chinese speaking clients." "able to speak and understand chinese." "Fluent in chinese and english." This clearly shows that, chinese are the priority of the employers in Singapore when actually, Singapore is known as a multi-racial country. On behalf of other races in singapore, i shall say, we will go through alot of humps in life as we malays, indians are unable to speak chinese. Take up courses? What about the financially difficult bunch of people that desperately need jobs? Is it fair for them? Like say, if that someone have high level of education and master in the line that requires chinese language, is it fair for them to go through the thick and thin and are unable to work in the line??~

IN ITE, they offered traineeship programmes. ITE, an institution for all kinds of races. And it is such an appaulment to find out that most of the company offering the course, requires chinese abled speaking students. Then what about the students who have great interest in the course that they offer but no ability to speak chinese? this even shows that they prioritise chinese students more than the other group races. does this shows that Singapore is a 100%multi-racial country??

Singapore is also known as one of the country that prioritise students and those who are interested to further their education. But by doing so, do they get the full percentage of students that wants to further their education??

Other than that, with a working experience in the retail line, i encounter china people that demands us to able to speak chinese. And if we fail to do so, they blew into rage and got carried away. Do they even know singapore is a multi-racial country before them making desicion to be part of us?

I am not opposing foreigners from other parts of the worls. But if you were to go to paris and speak chinese, do you think the people there would even get a piece of mind of what you are trying to say? It is purely stupid.

In the train yesterday to school, i even heard people saying,"Typical foreigners," when a group of foreigners just barged into the train when it is suppose to be, "Please let passengers alight first." Shocking enough, the person saying that is a chinese student. And the foreigners are from China.






And so, i end my piece of thought here. Think through if this make sense.

@ 8:12 AM

♥

A great weekend spent with my NYP friends.
Mas, Hui shan, Fahmi, Aaron and Hafiz.

We did what was supposed to be done.
So many laughter. As always.
Mas feel from the bench.
And so did fahmi.

I was looking through at some of the old memories i had.
Its wonderful. And if ever from the start, i had picked the right choice, to really focus,
i will go to somewhere better.

To whom it may concern:-
You are never perfect. Don't act one. Don't kept laughing at other weaknesses and ugly-ness. Cause you are not one big super duper handsome freaking guy. Other than that, don't always think you one hot super cool hunk that everyone will hook onto. Cause i will never get hooked on a cocky person like you. Do get a life. And please be more sensitive with other people feelings. Cause we do have feeling. And if you don't, just learn how to appreaciate the word, emotion.

To chiqka:-
Im not stupid. I noe u tagged my blog by using two people name. Zhaffy and urs. For goodness sake, dun be a coward to criticize ppl by using two-faced personality. You are sure a big coward. U despise minah tudung? Does it mean, you hate everyone wearing head dress. You may say, 'We old-fashioned people'... But we do have moral and modesty. Unlike you. Showing of every parts of ur body, which is suppose to be respected to the whole wide world. Please, do get in mind. Im not one of a person that u despise. Just wait for my kol, as every mistake done, should be repaid. If you are reading this, then good. Cause you should.

I just get agitated by the laughters. Grow up people.



Word of the day : Nocturnal














Labels : Quit the attitude.

@ 6:42 AM

Saturday, May 16, 2009 ♥

Im feeling heaty.

Aches on my tummy.

Roller coaster in my head.

Snake twisting my ankle.

I woke up late for Nyp silat training. And i still taking my time to get ready.
i feel so tired. Real tired. I could feel my eyes swell due to yesterday tears that rolled down my cheeks. I cudden even carry my own head weight. So i lie down back and relax.

I trained regu and some normal kicks. I totally slack at my cross side. Long time never do drills on that. Always sabet tojang back. Other than that, i try to 'steal' some different dropping techniques and wish to try it at trainings and other fights.

After that rushed to al-iman.
Olahraga.

Then train lockings for demo at yew tee. Video available below.
I accidentally stepped on hubbie real hard. And he actually swing his leg after the step. Im sorry dear. Unintentionally. Dah terikot regu nyer style arr. To much force.
To know wich part it is, im the only one wearing tudung. So,the one with tudung is me. The guy is hubbie. And the second lock is when i stepped him hard.

Nai'mah,
Happy Birthday darling. We will go out soon. I miss you alot.

@ 8:37 AM

Thursday, May 14, 2009 ♥

I have itchy fingers. Yes, i do.
I changed my blogskins again.
The previous one is like only 2 mths old skin.
Sadly, i am into no navigation skins and black background.
I did the old skin with lots of determination.
I put in a lot of time. Due to the bore of the skin,
i decided to change the skin again.

I am also a fickle minded person.

Today was an absolute fun day.
I admit i was giving hubbie attitude before mitting him just now.
I wonder why. I easily got into rage.
And blow it all over hubbie. Pity him.
Im sorry, but, i never know why.

"takder pape lahhh."

sorry sayang.

After school, i went to mit hubbie to have early dinner with him.
Initially some of the plans were change to some circumstances.
But i don't mind cause, in the end i still get to mit him.
I had a very fun time.
Espeecially about the food.
He knows that i love chickeeeeennnn.
He bought Grilled something chicken.
I bought combo 1, my normal order.
I admit, the chicken i look make my appetizer go up-up.
He bout a clamp something.
I can nvr pronounce it sehh.
It so delicious and yummy that i quarelled about it with him.
About the chicken, he gave me some of it.
I had enough, but he is waving the piece of chicken right in front of my two eyeballs.
When i looked up, he stuffed the piece into his mouth.
Then, i asked for some with that oh-please look.

He bought me another cup of clamp something!

I love it mann!

I had a very fun time with him.
Long time never go dating.
HAHA.

Tomorrow, pathetic school hours. Only 2 hours of lesson then can bla.
But got silat.
Prolly, going home first before training.









Labels : Oh clamp! =)

@ 8:29 AM

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 ♥

I am in school, having my break now.
Tired and sleepy describe me currently.

I try to stay awake and alive during lectures, but the monotone, the bore is making me doozing off to sleep. Deep sleep. BUT with my eyes open wide. It means, dreaming and doodling.
I miss secondary school life. I seriously do. I miss SITI SUFIAH BINTE OTHMAN and her craps in class. I MISS LYDIA MUSLIM and her irritaing voice when singing. I MISS LILY HERYANI and her gossips. AND I MISS KOLLING HANISAH MAK.

I recalled bullying poor Mr liew during lesson. Talking and laughing loudly. Like Nobody's Business. Escape for choice. Go for early recess, self-claim. Sleep during his lesson. Scribled on tables. AND BLABLABLA.

I miss Nur Shuhadah. Im not sure if she will be reading this very post. But i seriously do miss the outings with her. Spent my weekends and days with her prefectly. With commitments around us..we got drifted. but i wish, the last will reanact.

I miss late granny. When i took a nap at her room, i felt as if, i was sleeping on her lap instead of the pillow, when i wipe off my hair from my forehead, i felt as if my hands were her warm hands.



Sesungguhnya kehadiranmu di dalam hidupku mengajar aku erti kehidupan yang sebenar. Kau lah pelita yang menerangi perjalananku yang gelap ini. Memberi aku harapan untuk bangkit setelah sekian lama aku jatuh. Untuk berdikari dalam hidup ini, untuk mempunyai pendirian yang tinggi, aku memerlukan pengalaman. Dan pengalaman itu aku peroleh darimu, duhai nendaaa. tak aku sangka hari cepat berlalu, sehinggakan kau temu dengan masamu untuk bertemu Illahi.... kan aku doa'kan agar pemergiaanmu dirahmati Illahi. Dengan ditemani Al-fatihah.


Amin.








Labels : I miss Her.

@ 9:04 PM

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 ♥

I reached gelanggang yesterday.
The first news i heard is..
"Eh! Kau nyer opponent ******!"
"HUH? saper tu?"
"PSK selection dier lawan."
"Yang lawan dgn (fill in the blanks) eh?"
"AHHH!"
"MANGKOK!"

Imagine~!
You get to know your opponent for the upcoming fight is someone that has more experience than you are for silat. Especially that person master that part in Spore Sports School.
DAMN!
I am not demoralising myself. But im worried.
Im not well equipped. My injury had not still cured since last year.
BINGET LAH!

Today, i find some people very irritating. very self-centred.
want to act high class with that english speaking slang that itch and twitch my ear drums.
I could feel the words piercing through my tudong and go through my ear drums.
feel like shoving my shoe sized 7 into his mouth and make him gag!

BLARDY.

I miss being with hubbie.
I miss spending time with him.
I miss playing games with him.
I miss joking at night with him.
I miss the sooth voice of his at night.
I miss the time we go around shopping centres.
I miss pinching him.
I miss getting kicked by him.
I miss being so rough on him.
I miss looking at each other.
I miss the time he come over and play with my younger siblings.
I miss the time when we yell at each other.
I miss the his nasty jokes.
I miss the names he used to call me.
I miss the time he fetched me from school.
I miss you calling me baby.
I miss you calling me sayang.
I miss the time when we would seat, just the two of us, telling each other, about how we felt for this 3 yrs journey.
I miss him.
I miss him alot.
I miss you. Really.

I had never thought that i had no more life, other than silat. IVP AND INTER GRASIO. I cudden imagine, because of my passion, i spent lesser time with you. And yes, i am thankful you understand every bits and pieces of this that i am going through. Yes, i am tired. Yes, im am exhausted. And i can't wait for it to end. I simply cant wait. And if it ends, i am going to celebrate victory with you. Only you.















Labels : I miss you. alot.

@ 7:42 AM

Sunday, May 10, 2009 ♥

THE WHOLE DAY I HAD BEEN SLACKING.
TO STUDY ON A SUBLIME SUNDAY IS NOT A PERFECT CHOICE.
Instead i went online. Bloghopping. Deleted my old hotmail account due to the virus.
And now, i got one pathetic information that one of my contact received the virus message again.
When asked, i was told i had to uninstall and install MSN.
Everything done was not worth my time seh.
Very troublesome.

I had no printer.
To get a better idea of what i may go through during maths later on,
i copied the whole formulae list for my reference.
When i am done,
I cleared the table i used for studying.
Soon, i realised, i and my stuffs were the only occupants.
I paced and headed to mama room.
I could feel the cramps everywhere on my body.
Every parts. Including on my butt due to the long hours of sitting on the no more cushion chair.
My foot still hurts.
Alot. That i took more duration than i usually does to walk to mama room.
The pain spread to my ankle. I had to get the ankle guard like what my physician says.
But i nid MONEYY! Guess, it is redundant lahh.
29, 30, 31 of May is the real thing.
How to survive??
I slept throughout the afternoon.

Texted hubbie. And so my opponent for 4th Inter-grasio is out.
But i am in no authority to know.
So i just prayed for the best. And hope to play the game smoothly.
Without any injuries i hope.

As i wished to stand with a triumphant smile and held my outstanding coach hand up with me.
If only i could~
My coach, my sayang. Imagine~!
And to let the victory achieved for be at its pinnacle.
Oh dear. For every dream that i dreamt of, if it were to be true, i don't need to go for any trainings worst of, EXTRA and DOUBLE trainings per week. Just seat, sleep and dream.
And get people to applaud me for my victory. What an escalating egoism!

I had very low sense of self-control, to study for my maths. Something that i am lost at for now.
Look at where i end now, IM BLOGGING!
Oh dear. What a shame.

K, off.











Labels : It has always been like this.

@ 6:48 AM

Saturday, May 9, 2009 ♥

I know i had not been attending regu training strictly.
Its not that i am not interested or having that not to be bothered attitude
But i seriously have something on.
I am not perfect.
But i wanna be a perfectionist.

I vow to do my best.
I will give my 110% performance on the day.
I am slow, but i do catch up and LEARN.

Last yr b4 ramadhan, i failed to put my best in friendly match fight.
I did irritate hubbie by my stubborness.
And i fall to the mat time and time again.

this time, same person.
same fight.
BUT I LISTEN to command.
The confidence in u is actually the key.
No matter how many times the person u are fighting with got compliments and medals.

heres the vid.

I admit.

Before the fight, i am scard. Especially the injury on my right toe hasnt fully cured.

According to the physician, i might be having it permanently. Which means, no more sprinting events for me. Yes, i do feel shitty. And so, during the fight there, i had the phobia of doing sapus again. But i learn from my previous mistake. I listen to my coach. As i pose, hubbie say, "Satu jatuhan boleh?" I just kept quiet. I thought, i cudden. But i manage. I noe, she can grab my leg easily if i sabet, n i made a stupid mistke by giving her my leg. And so, i lost balance. After the second sapu, i could feel the nerves running up to my heart. Bloody pain. I got up, jumping to my place and showed that pain face at hubbie. ERGH!

Anw, hubbie found a new scandal. No more nurul. BUT ADAM! CHIT!

Labels : PAIN.

@ 6:50 AM

Wednesday, May 6, 2009 ♥

What a luck?!

To have lesson early in the morning it means, bad luck. I will elaborate on it in the later part of this post. Since two competitions are coming, i had to plan and manage my time well. Studies and silat. I had promise hubbie that i will bring him at least a medal for inter-grasio tanding. I hope i can. I want to win with pride and lose with respect. Losing is not the end but losing in my learning point.

I had insufficient rest and sleeps these days. All due to silat and silat. But my studies arent still neglected. Im trying my very best to stay awake in lecture room. And at least i don'y colour my fingernails with paint like one of my classmate does. I like the bond created between me and my classmate and also my seniors and the freshies in silat team.

K now to the part in the morning. First, i must wake up 2 hrs earlier before the lesson starts. 1 hour of getting ready and 1 hour of travel to reach the class and not yio chu kang mrt station. I just remembered if im schooling at woodgrove secondary school, i will only take 30 minutes to get ready and 5 minutes to rreach school's parade square. Which means, eversince i start poly,i had wwasted 25 minutes of my sleeping time.

Secondly,i had to fit and cut miserable people que so as to get my whole self in the bus number 901. And the arrival of the bus 901 to reach my house bus stop is always testing my patience. Then the smell of perfume make me sneeze and to suffer under the armpit of those who are taller than i am with a very bad body odour. Then people will be looking at me with the remark on the face, "Swine??"

Thirdly, in the train, i had this bad habbit to examine the person in front of me. don't get the wrong idea. I usually examine their hair. then i will fine hair scalp all over the hair. And dandruff pieces on their shoulder. And when they flicked their hair, i got this counter remark, to shuffle my feet further back. without realising my bag is hitting other commuters.

Lastly, im just irritated by those ladies that they knew that they are suffering from skin problem, and so why the heck must they show it to the whole wide world??! DOL!

when to mit hubbie to borrow his silat trousers since i forget to bring mine for training. And he is enjoying teasing me and my hair. Its long and when i tie it in a ponytail style, high2 summore, he says i look like a japanese. and so he handed me two long parangs.














Labels : Disgusted!

@ 9:09 AM

Tuesday, May 5, 2009 ♥

No mood.
TIRED luh.

I missed yesterday first lesson. Lecturer in-charge Alex lim. Very monotone.
Intended to go CHoice clinic for MC.
But the que so panjang. So, i don't bother.
I went school for lab 1213 and autocad lesson.
Boring uh.

Yesterday after school rushed home for dinner.
Met daddy in 901. * Dia senyum tersimpul-simpul. Bibirnya terikat mati sehh.
HAHA.

I got ready for silat.
Halijah came over to spar with me.
I only manage did one bantingan. The only thing is that, i could feel my spirit to fight on the way sehh.. The only reason i got the phobia to fight as usual is because of the injury i got from the last mini-grasio. I tried my best to avoid using back sweep, but corner man said, ive to do it before the real match. And so i tried. But it looks ugly. I do it better for seni.

I unintentionally injure halijah. She injure her leg and hand. Terseliuh. Im sorry girl. Harap inter-grasio aku tk jumper kau lahh. tak sanggop.

Penat uh. Friday pun ader fite. Saturday pun. But i don't know can go for all ke takkk.

























Labels : Exhausted

@ 9:01 PM

Saturday, May 2, 2009 ♥

I am very very exhausted.
But i am trying my best to put my mindset in the right place.
Anyway, this is going to end.

I know all this while, i had been forgetting my steps.
But i swear, i did my homework.
I was on my way back from training yesterday when i thought that,
why i had choosen this way. eventhough its strengthening.
I do enjoy it. Cause this is my passion.
Due to the drills made during training yesterday.It resulted me to having 4 big blisters on my feet. Both feet.
I only manage to squeeze the juice on one of them.When i realise that it is damn painful, i did not continue on the rest. But its kinda fun to meddle with it. You know the jelly jelly type like that.

Today, first trial was a failure. I feel stupid.
And plus, i had always brought the groups standard so low. Real low.
I feel real bad that i almost wanted to quit and put another good player in as a substitute.
BUT I KNOW THAT THAT IS NOT MY ULTIMATE LIMIT.
And so i push and push myself.
Just like during the long run last week and today morning.
I felt that my stamina has gone down since i injured my feet.
Cause due to that injury, i had this phobia of running and sprinting.
Idk why, but the athletic spirit in me has fade.
After the self-push * if there such word* haha, the motivation from team mates and seniors,
i know, i did improve on my steps tremedously although it ain't perfect. And after this, is the small little details.

Thanks. And i will prove it to you, the passion that lies in me.


AND!
Assignments are flooding my mail.
Which means,
lesser free time and suker suker.

to Nur AMIRA:
one word that describe a whole.
CHING!

Otw to al-iman training just now,
i was complaining to hubby about my stomach that hurts from tahan-ing
to pass away the faeces.
haha. and hubby, i know, got irritated by the noise i made.
the whinning and the loud voice,
he then strangled the back of my neck.
Like what his friend say,
kiter nie aneh.
Kiter lah violent couple.
AND SO hubbie kater,
orang tak buat, kiter buat lahh.
Tapi, violent pun, kekal jugak tau.
Dah nk masok tiga tahun oktober nie..
KK, dayah dah berangann ehh.
*gatal*














labels : penat. pancit.

@ 7:45 AM