Mum, dad and nurul went overseas for some family matters at melacca.
I miss them yes i do.

As i was tokking on the fon with boyfie,
i saw a bunch of papers.
small tiny papers.
Although from the outside i know what that thing is,
i still unfold it to read and to really ensure what it actually is.
My guesses were right.
Suddenly i broke down.
Letting boyfie wait for me to cool down.
Im sorry,but i did not make you wait for me unnecessarily on purpose.
But im just tongue-tied.

All this while, in just a flash of second,
i felt that all my sacrifices were useless.
I tried to think positive.
When i voiced out,
boyfie told me to relax, and have a good sleep after my bath.
I told him i will,unless he sleeps.
As he will be working the next morning.
I cried my heart out,
staring into the mid air.
Figuring what is going to happen to us, not me and boyfie, but the other part of me.
Especially now, just as soon as grandma left.
I knew, i had not been a good daughter,sister,friend,lover, and most of all, a good Islam.
But this is what ive never plan.
Im just to weak.

I had always wanted the best for everyone i love, i care.
No matter who they are.
But do they even think of what i will go through to know the truth.
For a $17.50, in a single ticket, what can you buy?
For a $1 + $6 x 4, enough for me to eat at work.
But all the money i have, i had put it aside for future use.
Leaving my stomach grumbling.
But you??
Giving money as if that piece of note has no value?!

Im angry.
I am very frustrated.
I am superly uberly mad.
But, i am more petrified,
if this were to go on for long,
will i be able to end my life peacefully?
will i be able to leave this world as a good sombody in the eye of ALLAH?

Why must you sulk and be console of every single thing that happen?
When actually every single obstacle and event that happen is because of Almighty.
But have you thought why?
What the reason behind it was?
Because you, the other half of me, had forgotten your role as a good Islam.
Im not trying to act good, religious, clever.
But whatever stated here is the matter of fact.
Is the matter of truth.
You neglected your responsibilities.
And so do you neglect about the other half of you.

You knew that i went wrong once.
You pulled me through and you made me stand after my fall.
And now,instead of pulling my closer,u drifted further than a distance.
Away, and away from me.


Boyfie, if ever, anything happen to me, please, let the other half read this.
If ever, time doesnt grant what ive been wishing for, please, make it real.