Just got back from work. A very long day today.
Went to pay up poly fees.
Then pay house bills.
Then all the way to tanjong pagar to the URA centre.
All the while, with Mum.
With my GUARDIAN uniform.

From tanjong pagar, rush all the way to work.
New pos arrive.
Very irritating.
Alot of trouble.

Customer very prangai.
Expect us to understand chinese, when actually this is a multi-racial country.
Not trying to be racist or wad, but think!
This is a multi racial country, even kids in school celebrate multi racial day.
And they expect us to speak and understand chinese fluently.
IDIOT.

Plus,even got one occasion, that a chinese lady scolded a china women STUPID.
i dun want to say anything, but it happens in front of me.

Enrolment package arrived 2 days ago.
Dad checked the letter box.
He irritated me by waking me up early in the morning.
Just to let me read the whole thick package.
I am so not ready for orientation.
AIYO...

I miss hubby.
Alot.
I know, again.
Again and again.
I miss MUHAMMAD RIYADH ASLI.

Saturday, February 21, 2009 ♥

I had always wanted to blog about everything in my life. But as soon as i open this posting page of mine, i went blank. TOTALLY BLANK!

I and boyfie had been so busy with other commitments like our work. Usually its either, he work, i free. I work, he free. But now, both of us are so tied up with our work. Our time with family. Yes, i terribly miss him. So much. I miss the time i use to spend with him, beside him. Talking, nagging. About everything i know, about everything i want to talk about. I know he get bored easily on what i am talking and blabbering about. But he seems to put on the sweetest smile, looking at me talking. Then he will go on teasing me, sulking, to make the gap among us closer and closer. He is willing to sacrifice his time, for us. Cause i know, although he is tired back from work, silat, he still kol me up at night, ensuring we get to talk before going to bed. I miss him badly. I miss his company. I miss our time going out together. I miss everything about us badly, that i cried because i fear,i will miss this forever.

Sometimes, things between us happen without us realising. Add on, we dont even manage to stop it from happening. But even if we could stop it from happening, it still happens. Do you realise it? Like, the fights between you and someone you love. You could or even manage to stop it, but it still happens. The disagreements, the squabbles. I wish it won't happen. Whenever it happens, i force myself to think that, all this happens for a reason, which is, attention. I need your attention too,dear.


Work, sometimes it add on to my pressure. I just wish, i could handle this for another few months before i start to school again. Talking about school, i couldnt imagine that i had start to feel that, i miss schooling days alot. ALOT. But this time round, new school, new teachers, or shall i say lecturers? New friends. New obstacles. AND new future.

I miss hanging around with my friends. My childhood friends. I miss talking to them n all. Ya, sometimes, i feel uneasy about them mitting up each other, but not me. Just because iom busy with other stuff. I just wish, there will be a time, for all of us.


Silat,i am so stressed up with seni. Inter grasio otw, n yet i am not ready. Plus, my centre not stabil. No proper learning take plce. Really irritating. Macam nak tukar glanggang. Nanti org kater, kacang luperkan kulit lahh plak... tawakal je lahh... i wish i can bring something back fr boyf. but its toooo much fr me....


p/s: i miss you. alot.

@ 6:25 AM

Thursday, February 12, 2009 ♥

THURSDAY
At last got to go for NPCC.


Just now i wasnt the lone ranger but lone c.i...
So i was running here and there to ensure my instructors were doing fine..
And they were great. Uberly great. Thank GOD!
Rush to workplace.

Eventhough boyfie sayyy, DONT work coz on the fon last nite i sneezed more than 10 times in a row, making him saying, 'EEEE buroknyerrr...Si ciner bersin...' And he even recorded one of my sneeze... THANKS.. -_-


I give up doing cashiering for the first time coz i keep on sneezing in front of the customers. End up saying "Excuse me" instead of "thank you, see you again"

YESTERDAY
i din went for werk. coz its my off day.
Stayed at home and rot my arse. At night went for silat.
WELL, had fun.
Sharul was showing off his bentesan which were harder and pact than mine!
I just hope,my centre will have a proper instructor lahh.
PLEASE!

I had been so lazy to wake up early nowadays. Boyfie sms-ed me three times before he got my reply.. HEHE!

@ 8:32 AM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 ♥

Because of You..

There is always a thousand and one reason that happen and why things happen. But there is only two reasons why i can see and breathe in this earth of Almighty.
- Because it is HIS want. Anything he want, it will happen
- Because of my parents.

I had always been a trouble child, with no future hailing in front of my path.
I had always let my mentor; my other half, to be angry, furious, mad and depressed of what i had done. It had always been my words that make them down.

Mum,
if only you could understand each and everything that comes my way, if you could just seat and not blabber on things that had not happen, if only you stop thinking that i will be f***ing proud of my further education, if only that you had put a little thought that i won't be a superior than you are to hit you when i had thousands of money in my account later on, i won't cry myself to sleep.

In my cuddled position, i wrapped my arms around my legs, and cried myself to sleep. Although i know, if the next morning, i would see two dark rings of fatigue around my eyes, i cried myself harder to sleep. I tried, but i couldn't. The closk struck 4 a.m, n i still couldn't sleep.

Dad voice played into my ears. I could hear him very well. I know he had also blamed me for what had happened. But i swear, it was all a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding which led to a sentence, 'You are not mine anymore'.

This is not the first time that i heard from you. But this had been a countless time that i've heard it. Deep down inside me, i know, it ain't true. Coz, once im yours, im forever yours.

Whenever, this happen, you had taken account about the relationship i had. I know that the inner part of you, you had not blessed this relationship like your action says. Im sorry if this is not the right way for you, but, that is my personal life, which u and dad had promised not to interfere after i break through my O levels. Where is the promised that you've keep preaching on? The promise that you've made me work hard for. Yes, im not as clever as my other niece, which receives thousand of dollars worth tuition, but i am me. I prefer to be this way, coz i noe myself better.

I had always bottled up the feeling i had. I had always been so secretive, senseless. But now, im no more. I hate bottling up what i felt. Cause it kills me. I hate being secretive, cause it hurts. And now, im being over-sensitive and practically weak, as a young lady.

I had always prayed the best for our family since granny passed away...

@ 8:22 PM

Monday, February 9, 2009 ♥

Parents are back.
So it means, house occupied with Tuyul's shouting.

I went for work early morning, then i realise i had forgotten to reply shu's msg ytd.
So i wait till silat time.
I had decided to board the bus only when i realise that i am freaking late.
I had to report 10 am, but i left home 10 mins before 10 am.
I am a great failure at organising time.

Work was totally fine. Just because my lovely-naggy-old-nanny is not around.
I had done most of the undone.
-Such phrase?? haha =]

I was making my way to the toilet when this malay middle aged short nak mampos man,
look at me and say, 'WOW' .
I am sorry but i don't feel thankful to their compliments,
so i walked off and purposely stomp on the shortest guy foot.
And drop my can of chrysanthemum tea on his shoe.
IM SORRY.

serve you right. Such a big pain in the ass of his mama.

When home, got ready for silat, blablabla.
Rudy was no more our instructor.
Took over by shahrul.
I enjoyed my time there.

Picture taking otw.
Inter grasio otw.



Suddenly, i miss school days.

I miss doodling.
I miss rebelling.
I miss the food in the canteen.
I miss saying the pledge.
I miss singing the national anthem.
I miss arguing.
I miss skipping class.
I miss RTC.
I miss detention/ suspension.
I miss the whiteboard i use to scribble nonsense.
I miss talking back to discipline master.
I miss shouting.
I miss commanding for the school parade.
I miss sports day event.
I miss the Si baygay word i usually shout.
I miss shouting in the face of the chinese guy the stupid words they taught me.
I miss my friends, classmates.
AND I MISS MR LIEW.

i terribly want to meet him.
To tell him that eventhough i slept through all his classes, i din pay attention to him, i skipped his lesson, i stay out of class because i make too much noise, i was being sent out of class to the RTC because i laugh alot, i still manage to break through my science O level paper.
he helped me during the last minute preparation.
I wanna thank him badly lahh.

I realise that sorry is not the easiet word to say. But infact, it is the most courageous word to say. People with big fat ego instilled underneath the thick skin of his/her, word have the greatest courage to say," I'm sorry ". Even that, some people took advantage of the courage they have, took advantage of the value the word sorry have. To them, saying sorry, seems fu**ing easy. But all it matters, is the value that the word SORRY have. Say it with sincere. Have pride in yourself.

--> This is for someone, with the thickest egoism instilled underneath your thickest skin.. =]

@ 7:59 AM

Sunday, February 8, 2009 ♥

Mum, dad and nurul went overseas for some family matters at melacca.
I miss them yes i do.

As i was tokking on the fon with boyfie,
i saw a bunch of papers.
small tiny papers.
Although from the outside i know what that thing is,
i still unfold it to read and to really ensure what it actually is.
My guesses were right.
Suddenly i broke down.
Letting boyfie wait for me to cool down.
Im sorry,but i did not make you wait for me unnecessarily on purpose.
But im just tongue-tied.

All this while, in just a flash of second,
i felt that all my sacrifices were useless.
I tried to think positive.
When i voiced out,
boyfie told me to relax, and have a good sleep after my bath.
I told him i will,unless he sleeps.
As he will be working the next morning.
I cried my heart out,
staring into the mid air.
Figuring what is going to happen to us, not me and boyfie, but the other part of me.
Especially now, just as soon as grandma left.
I knew, i had not been a good daughter,sister,friend,lover, and most of all, a good Islam.
But this is what ive never plan.
Im just to weak.

I had always wanted the best for everyone i love, i care.
No matter who they are.
But do they even think of what i will go through to know the truth.
For a $17.50, in a single ticket, what can you buy?
For a $1 + $6 x 4, enough for me to eat at work.
But all the money i have, i had put it aside for future use.
Leaving my stomach grumbling.
But you??
Giving money as if that piece of note has no value?!

Im angry.
I am very frustrated.
I am superly uberly mad.
But, i am more petrified,
if this were to go on for long,
will i be able to end my life peacefully?
will i be able to leave this world as a good sombody in the eye of ALLAH?

Why must you sulk and be console of every single thing that happen?
When actually every single obstacle and event that happen is because of Almighty.
But have you thought why?
What the reason behind it was?
Because you, the other half of me, had forgotten your role as a good Islam.
Im not trying to act good, religious, clever.
But whatever stated here is the matter of fact.
Is the matter of truth.
You neglected your responsibilities.
And so do you neglect about the other half of you.

You knew that i went wrong once.
You pulled me through and you made me stand after my fall.
And now,instead of pulling my closer,u drifted further than a distance.
Away, and away from me.


Boyfie, if ever, anything happen to me, please, let the other half read this.
If ever, time doesnt grant what ive been wishing for, please, make it real.

I cried again.

I am tired.

I am used up.

So So that i am thinking about something ive never though before.

Im petrified.

Console me, will you??

@ 10:02 AM

Saturday, February 7, 2009 ♥

07 February 2009

Woke up early morning to text hubbie.
To ensure that he is already awake.
And waiting to fetch me at his void deck.

Me: B,dah bgn?
Him: 11 start.
Me: Tau lah, takkan 11 start, 11 keluar umah? Nanti amek i bwh blok k?
Him: Ah
Me: Baru bangun tido burok.
Him: Ah

So girls, if you ever have a guy like my sayang...
Early morning dun text them.
Menyakitkan hati jer.

Make my way to his house.
Taught his sister.
His mum and him, kept disturbing me about limau.

Him: Mi,tadi abg terdgr adik kater, x + y = ayam
His mum: Td pun umi dengar dayah kater x + y = limau

they were saying because i looked like cina.

After that, we got ready for silat.
I dun feel neglected at that gelanggang.
Al-iman.
I am just wondering, if only my gelanggang won't corrupt like that.
Especially the corrupted instructor.

Then went home.

p/s: something happen. That i wun elaborate here.

@ 8:53 PM