Dad told me that today's Berita Minggu had this open category for essay.
The title is on "MENGENANG YANG TELAH PERGI"
I wonder if i should write one nice one on m late granny.
Should i?
Well, if i have ample time, i will consider writing it.
You people should know, how crazy freako i am on writing essays that are near to me, especially events that happen.

Well, today did Current and magnet topic with uncle AZIZ.
i swear, he is the best encouraging teacher ever!
I vow to pass my physics.
Chemistry?
I will try my best.
But i the best of me is not during prelims.
Prelims are just like rehearsals.
So, i will do me best for it.
And even better for my EOY, O LEVELS.

TMR is the start of the Ramadhan month.
So, as usual, void decks will be used for us to pray teraweh.


Kepada sekalian umat ISLAM:
Puaser dan beramal ibadah lah pada bulan ramadhan yang mulia dan suci ini.
Puaser biar betol.
Jangan olok-olok
Adik aku kecik2 boleh puaser full.
Korang yang kuat besar sihat gedabak tak boleh puaser full, biken malu jer.
HAhA.

Oryte good....esok tk school!

Saturday, August 30, 2008 ♥

Legs are aching..
English Paper 2 for prelims: no comment!

Just got back from Causeway Point.
Now blogging.
Got the mood to blog.
So i blog. HAHA. stoopid!

Friday was teachers' day celebration cum ACES day!
took part in the ACES day competitive running event..
Like for months i din run, then i had to run up and down the stairs.
MIND YOU PEOPLE, for 35 minutes up and down the stairs.
Hence, it is Called the vertical challenge!
then hangout with sufiah and lydia.
then went home.
sleep and sleep and rest.
Like heaven like dat.
WHY? cause i never had long sleeps anymore.
Since no nite class, went for the very last silat training before bulan puaser.
Did my seni.
"My instructor" told me that ive improved!
YEAH! haha. semangat!
Danish called me kakak ciner.
Just because i look cina!!
and BTW, i got so mesra with the students there lah.
gonna miss them!
Riyadh as usual, he and his nyakat-ness!
then went home.

today nothing much.
i sleep alot.
tmr then go tampines.

Rindu dalam dakapanmu...

@ 6:55 AM

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 ♥

I noe im the worst ever creature in the earth.
The one who never keep things in place.
The one who misplaced things easily.
The one who do not appreciate anything by all it means.
I swear, i put it there.
I swear i din sell it and enjoy the profit with some jerks.
I don't do things that i noe will turn my flesh and blood, meat and skin to non-halal lady.
If i do, i would rather stop doing good deeds and do something that i noe i would enjoy in life and suffer up there.
I ain't that stupid.

I am sorry i hurt you.
I am sorry i misplaced you gift.
I noe it is somewhere in the house.
And not somewhere in the pawn shop.
I was to caught up to remember where exactly i placed it.
I am confident enough that it is in this house.

But please, dont accuse me of something i wont do.
That wont even strike my mind.
I may be useless-evil creature on earth, but im not the useless-evil creature in ur life.

Oh GOD,
whatever in my way seems to go the hard way.
how do i succeed when every steps i take there is an obstacle?
i had never wanted this way, i had never asked for this.
but everything i did, seems not right.
who am i actually?
where do i stand in this earth of YOURS?
I had always wanted to carve the lovelyy widest smile on them,
but everytime i almost reach out my hands,
i tripped and fell.
i failed attempt after attempt.
i could feel the fear that enveloped the bottom of my heart.
all i cud say is, Im sorry.
I wanted to repent, to turn over the new leaf.
but why must this happen??
i want to succeed.
i want to make you feel proud,
but instead you say, you cant be bothered if i pass or fail.
should i give up or should i push even harder?

I need that long warm hug of yours. To make me feel secured and safe under your love.
I love you mum, dad.

Night class was fun today.
I cracked my brain to do maths, although not in the mood.
Aizat, yana and other of their gang asked for helped in maths.
Lucky they asked on the topics that im capable of.
I realised, i had forgotten alot of formulaes.
haha.
i nid a conducive environment for study.

@ 9:14 AM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 ♥

I had done with my prelims.
English paper One only.
It was ok..

Section 1 the questions make me gag at first.
Then wen i read the last question, it says ,' Success ', i smiled.
I wrote about my sports day event, its a success seh.

Then i flunk my report writing. I did report writing, but the format.. Don't talk about it.

I nid a new pair of school shoes, its annoying if u are walking, then ur socks get wet.
SPLISH SPLASH SPLISH SPLOSH.

I want a pair of sweater. A cute cute one.
My old one the colour coming of.
HAHA. it shows the quality of it.
haha. actually no lah, tht was years back one.

Im gonna bug mommy for it!

Night class is useful.
I gonna make use of it.
Regardless during fasting month or not,
i still want the time.
Im not gonna dissapoint my parents.
Not during prelims, O levels then..

@ 8:58 PM

Sunday, August 24, 2008 ♥

DESIGN ADN TECHONOLY PRACTICAL ALL DONE.
Presentation board; DONE
Journal; DONE
Artefact; DONE

All hadd to be submitted on friday before 5.
So thursday night i torn.
HAHA.
I entertain myself while completing my folio with music.
I had insuffiecient sleep.
Like an hour plus of sleep before going to school on friday.
I could persevere without sleep till geography.
I was head banging in class.

First time i saw shou qi slept in class.
Usually it was me.
I found out that doing the exploded drawing is fun seh.

Anw, last wednesday was my last physical education period in my secondary school life.
I was wondering, if i would miss the fun times i spent there. PLUS sports day.
An event which i look forward to every year.

To that little girl:
Aku tak mintak banyak ar, tak suker ckp depan2.
Jangan nak hebohkan hal aku kat orang.
Jangan sampai satu class kau aku sound.
Aku tak nak..KEJER BODOH layan kanak-kanak abu cam korang.
Mulut jager. Kau brani buat brani tanggong. Brani berak tau cebok.
jngn smp aku yang aja kau.
Susah nanti.
Mau maki, maki aku sorang..mak bpk aku tak susahkan kau..jangan uat nahas!
jangan carik hal.

Saturday, sunday was a family day for me.
Spent time with them.
Then, went to Irwan's birthday party.
Blah blah blahh..~

@ 8:03 AM

Thursday, August 21, 2008 ♥

I fought. Again. I swear, it wasn't my fault.
Hidayah dah relek lah.

Ytd, after recess, wanted to change into my uniform.
Went to the toilet.. 3 girls locked the staff toilet.
The other toilet was full.
First attempt, the door din open.
Second attempt, i kicked the door.
Full blast, NURUL JANAH said, bapak kau giler lah!

I was saying, "toilet kau sorang per?bpk kau peh toilet ehh?"
sufiah, my partner in crime, came in.
we tok tok, we laugh laugh.
That young fellow asked me, 'got prb with my dad?'

Absolutely not little fellow..
HAHA.Little?? Sure or not..??
rounder? flatter? shorter? taller?
haha.

blaaaah blaaah blaaahh.

Today, she and sufiah.
Same issue in the toilet.
But now, the mouth like suar.
Ferst she say about prangai adik2 or wad.
I dun rmb. Sufiah shud rmb well, coz she really was angry.
She confronted her.
Pointing2, pushing2.
I laughed and laughed.
Sufiah threw the bottle, but he aiming S*X.
tak kene. haha.. * no offence sayang.

i tried to stop both of them.
but to bad, she dragged me in.
she kicked me scolded vulgar.
2 kicks, one slap.
my specs flew.
I went forward, although meldryne darling held me tight..
I still managed to slapped her.
Her specs flew, and she seated.
I think, her level of stability is low..
and her centre of gravity is lost.
so she loses her balance.

i walked off..she cried..
then its between her and my cousin.
so..non-of-my-business.

Mr.J talked to me,
both got fault.
But practically, im not in the wrong place.
Cause i was doing something nice. =]

DoNE!
ive to go do my journal and P.B...
tired!

ily. i swear i do.

@ 7:07 AM

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 ♥

It was a long long long blog abandon.

Sunday friendly match was tough.
Sorry i din do my best.
I was too caught up with what people say about my opponent.
Sorry to her for punching on her forehead.
It was unintentional.

School days was so tiring.
Damn tiring. I swear i was testing my self-control.
And i manage to stop myself from sleeping in class.
I passed my chemistry test.
I did my d&t.
I neglected people that were near to me.
Like, riyadh and shuhadah.
Why? cause i did entertain them like i used to.
Im gona change to URL.
practically not now.
Some time later when im free.

I had insufficient sleep.
Slept at 2 am and woke up at 6 am.
4 hours of sleep from Sunday to Tuesday night.
Yet i manange to stay awake.
Although hard, i still SURVIVE.

P/S:
i nid air to breathe.
i nid food to live.
i nid mouth to eat.
i nid you to love.

I am just hoping for the very best.
I am playing with the fire.
I just hope this will last.
Cause of this beautiful lust.....

@ 7:03 AM

Saturday, August 16, 2008 ♥

10 letters. 2 words.

TIRED PENAT

Ferstly in the morning, i dragged myself up.
I was imagining a bulldozer to lift my headd up seh.
Got up, get ready to go for my class.

Make my wayy to tampines.
Uncle aziz house for physics.
Then all the way to jurong west.
Met naimah sayang for chemistry.

On my way to tampines, in the bus 168
they telecast the olympics event for track and field.
Since my interest for track are sooooooooo banyak..
I anyhowly msg riyadh..
HAHA. its funnie.
khayal ah..sorry ehh abg yad.

Then on my way to jurong west,
in the train, got this two mamats.
One of them was quite good looking,
got the kacukkan look.
he was looking at my direction.
then he move towards me.
he stood right infront of me..
he INSERT his hands into his pants.
let me get this straight, not into his pants pocket but into the HOLE WHERE YOU PUT IN YOUR LEGS!
Ya, that zip2 area.
Then he put his fingers,exactly the hand that he inserted it into his pants, into his nose.
i wanted to shout..
but, i just kept quiet.
Step bacer buku kejap.
The other of his friend were laughing.Right beside him.
Oh-good-looking-guy..you are a big pervent.

Then back from jurong, in the train to woodlands, to meet my parents, another incident happen.
I was listening to my songs, then this two guy stand beside me, his friend pushed him, and he 'accidentally' banged onto me. I looked at them with my CROSSED eyes. he said sorry. i cudden hear wad he said actually but from his hand sign i could tell.
The guy that banged onto me looked at me.
And sa something to his friend.
I swear i could her wad they were talking about cause my songs was at the intervals.
He said, 'Umor dier agak2 18 ader tak? Aku takel pastu uat bini pun baek'
Thanks ehh awak! Upon hearing that, i alighted ath chua chu kang. Although i havent reached woodlands.
HEH.

Thanks nai'mah!

@ 9:12 AM

Friday, August 15, 2008 ♥

Never leave the one you love for someone you like, cause the one you like may leave you for someone they love.

I guess its just another silly mistake i make.

Its totally unpredictable.

I thought it would last, but SHOOTS, it never did.

I had realised since the day we last talked.

Guess, i will really walk away..

Just now was my turn for english oral.
It wasnt my very best, i swear.
I wasnt use to the system that the examiner practice on me.
And the topic for conversation is really a rotten fish!
NATURE WILDLIFE??
not my type..
And ive to go around bullshitting. -it means..im lying.
I said i enjoyed looking at flora n fauna.. HAHA!
I was the last candidate.
For picture discussion, i gez they really pull me down sey.
WHY?
I tell you why.
She asked me the question. I answered. When i wanted to go on describing the picture, she asked me question again. And it is on going.
Same goes to the conversation part.
I wanted to carry on. BUT!
She keep asking question.
"Can you shut up for a moment and listen to my thoughts?"

-it ended.

I could feel the ache on my toe as i bend and rest on my foot.
It still havent fully cured.
Plus the injury i got during p.e lesson.
My thumb.
Still pain. Sunday have fight.
GOOD LUCK EHH.
how to punch? how to kick?
geuss what..?
both on my right side.
AR*E!
I need help sey..
My seni training was doing fine.
I just hope inter-grasio is gonna be a blast for a first-timer like me.


Yes i love you still. I cudden deny the love i had for you.
I still remember every bits and pieces of our memories.

I am gonna be straight here.
Chiqka, i ceck ur i.p code and 'Zhaffy' i.p code ; on my tagboard.
Both of urs are similar.
And the tag that you and 'him' sent to me were 1 to 2 minutes different.
So...any explanation?
I predict its u..Kenaper nak tikam dr blakang?
What is it that you are not satisfy with?
Anw, is it rong to put on tudong at our age?
Minah tudung...you noe what it means?
Cummon im not angry over u kolling me one.
I dun mind what people wanna kol me.
But if u really have a problem with me, face to face lah.
Asl nak sorok2? Takot kene hampok?
Tak mungkin kan??
Yelah aku sedar aku pakai tudung punyer pompan..tak setanding ngn kau yang pakai aju so call the best fashioned lady on earth kan..?
Seriously, i dun wanna make this issue big, but if you want to... Im fine with it.
Just don't regret.. remind you, dun judge a book by its cover.

Such a small thing, you wanna tok big big.
Dengs!

@ 9:52 AM

Thursday, August 14, 2008 ♥

GCE 'O' Level English Oral tommorow

All the best to all the peeps taking oral.
Shawal had been a great english tutor for me.
I felt that i have made some improvements in my oral and ways of answering english comprehension questions.
The only thing i have to work on is my grammar and vocabulary.

Im invited to fight a friendly match on Sunday at Masjid Al-Iman at bukit panjang.
Thanks to my temporary instructor.
Rizal told me to go for grading and hence, i must pay 10 bucks.
Waste of money =]

I swear i din revision like i did yesterday.
People had been scolding me cause i occupy myself to much that i hardly rest.
Which annoys them cause, i pick up the habbit of not replying to messages wen im studying.
It's a good thing people.

The chinese boys in my class had been teaching me dialects.
And they laughed out loud when i say it.
Well, that's me..
I mean..i love talking and making chaos.

And Ariff,
eventhough u are re-taking.
u still lost in the first chance.
Moral of the story: DON'T BRAG!

If only i could stare into your eyes like i used to..
I would want to sense and feel the sufferings you had to go through..
I MISS YOU.

@ 8:43 AM

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 ♥

PRESSURED; PASCAL

I cried when i did my revision. I don't know why. But i just cudden take it but to let it out.
It was so hard that i cudden carrrrrrryyy...
OH MAMA..
i nid a longggg hug..
haha...


kau luahkan hati dan persaanmu sebagai seorang anak yang kehilangan ibunya.
kau lahirkan kata-kata sebak sehingga kau tangiskan pemergiaanya.
aku hanya mampu mendengar dan memberi pedoman.
agar kau redha atas ketentuan ILLAHI.
memang sukar untuk menerima apatahlagi kejadian yang berlaku hanya dengan sekelip mata.
inilah dugaanmu..yang di takdirkan TUHAN.
Sesungguhnya tak dapatku bayangkan, aku berada di tempatmu...


Sedang aku kesepian melayan bayu malam bersepoi bahasa, aku kenangkan pengorbanan seorang ibu. Lebih lagi saat pertama kali aku menangis ketakutan. Ibu lah yang mendakap aku erat serta mengucup ubunku penuh kasih. Tak aku tahu erti itu namun aku dapat merasakan kasih sayang seorang ibu buatku. Punggungku kau tepuk perlahan sambil kau dodoi aku supaya aku terlena di pangkuanmu, di bawah naungan kasih dah sayangmu.

Setelah aku dewasa, perilaku aku membuat kau terkilan. Airmatamu yang dahulu jatuh kegembiraan tika pertama kali kau menatap wajahku, kini jatuh kerna hatimu aku robek tanpa rasa. Aku hancurkan harapanmu sebagai seorang ibu. Jari jemarimu yang dulu kau tepuk perlahan kini hinggap di tubuhku menjadi sengatan yang amat sakit. Memberi aku pengajaran atas kesilapan yang telah lakukan. Biarpun kau terluka, kau tetap memberi aku kata dua, sebagai pedoman di sepanjang masa.

......to be continued...

@ 9:32 AM

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 ♥

I was expecting the unexpected.

Long time i din update due to time constraint. D&T folio is doing great. I have this problem where i know what to do next but my hands just wont want to do it. And it is a bad sign cause my work is dragging. Im trying my best to improve my sciences. MIND YOU PEOPLE SCIENCES and not science. As a matter of fact, i dun want to neglect my chemistry.

Enough of the study study part. I was disturbed by this feeling where ive to meddle it alone. Being who i am now is what i always wanted. Life is too short to sulk. To me, for now, whatever want to happens let it be. Im concentrating on my exams and not other stuffs. Apologies if some of ur messages i did not reply. Im just too lazy to reply or either not bothered to do so. Cause i noe end up, we will tokking about stuff that are not important and therefore, i waste my precious prepaid credit on it.

I was thinking about you all this while. I have been wondering why all this must happen if the love between us really exist. I want to know every bits and pieces of why. I want to find out, but just that, i dont have the grudge to even ask you, how are you. Cause i dont know if you love me,hate me or acting neutral. If you were to ask me.. i totally have no answer. But to hate you, i know i will regret.

Malay GCE O LEVEL results are out. A1 with a distinction for oral. Congrats and alhamdulilah..
NOW im craving for swensens from my darling SHUHADAH! hehe.

And im hoping, ive no part time stalker following me and stalking my life. Cause i feel insecured alone, even in the lift. Plus, im just wondering.. if wearing a headress with a normal lady-like dress with a pair of jeans is a fashion disaster. WHAT DO YOU THINK READERS??
ANW, i just hope, he shut up.






Useless creature.
A pain in the arse.

@ 9:16 AM

Sunday, August 10, 2008 ♥

NATIONAL DAY PARADE 2008 was FUN!

we were having fun; partying; grinding with one another..
and IM GONNA MISS THEM!

@ 5:26 AM

Thursday, August 7, 2008 ♥

I truly miss the time when we laughed as a whole.

Practically in mathematics, a WHOLE is equal to ONE!

And similarly, ONE is UNITY!

I define this as a chemistry. Well, laughter comes from different people but it took place at the same time and place. It is an element. Something which cannot be separated into simpler substance. You jolly well cannot separate sumone and their laughs plus laughter and place.
Actually, im enjoying.

I do not need any guy to make me happy like i used to. Cause as each day pass, i know that i dont need that. Its a big fat lie if i say, "I am not lonely being single". Basically, watching couples around, makes me go green. If ever any of mine are loyal and can sense any occurance of misunderstandings, how i wish, im still with them. My handphone are so 'silent'. Not as busy as when im with sumone. Yahh i do miss that time... But it was just memories...

If you were to ask me if anyone deserve any chances, i would say yes. WHY?
There is no perfection in life neither in world. It shows that no human being in here are perfect. People bound to make mistake. Regardless to themself or others. But i say, IF, i would give any chances to them, YES i would. But it wont be as nice and smooth as it used to be. For one reason, i wont want to be fooled like a fool again.

CURRENT MOOD: Im happy and am missing her. Truly i am. Life been great than before. But this year hari raya wont be complete. I see myself sobbing on the eve of hari raya and i imagine the solemn situation my family will go through.

MUM LOST SNAKE AND LADDER PLUS OH-HELLO!

p/s: Hamba allah, im not asking for much. But just one, tell me hu are u. If u got my number, please message me. If u dun have my number.. Leave me an email or wadeva it is for me to reach you. PLEASE.. you game is making me curious. thanks. =]

@ 9:23 AM

Monday, August 4, 2008 ♥

I just cudden bear it longer. I dun wanna hold on to it even longer.
I just wanna this to end and i cud soar freely. I cudden wait 9 August to come.
As i wud be performing for NDP. But then again i dun wan that day to cum so fast coz i noe i wud miss the fun and gags with the buddies.

9 august marks the start of my intense revision.
9 August marks the end of saturdays training which cum to think of it i have my seni training on fridays.
9 August marks nearer prelims and O lvl are.
9 August also marks the coming of his flight to brunei.
9 August marks the day to M.t O lvl result.

Tomorrow course 8 to 6.
Then kenduri.
Im gonna be so tired then.

I something amiss but i dun noe wad. I just dun feel rite today.

p/s: Zulfikar, its not that i dun wanna reply to ur msges. But whenever i reply to ur msges, it will end up to us quarelling bcz of u being so sarcastic of y i dun wanna be with u although u had waited years for me. Its up to me to reply who's msges, its up to me to be with who, its up to me to make my own decision and its realli up to me to care for who i wanna care. For all u noe, u hve no rite to tell me to do what i dun wanna do. Yes, ur bdae is coming but please, i have my own choice to go out with u or not. Please stop thinking of enjoying for now. Ive lost sumone i loved, close to me. And i realli dun wanna cocked up my thoughts about irrelevant things like having relationship n stuff. To me rite now is the shape to my fututre; O levels. Not finding a soulmate; for goodness sake.

YOU RESPECT ME, I RESPECT YOU. YOU PROVOKED ME, IM GONNA MAKE U KISS THE FLOOR.

@ 8:58 AM

Sunday, August 3, 2008 ♥

Yesterday NDP training was a pull for me. I felt so tired. Well, i din noe why, but yah..i was so tired. Start off, i woke up late, supposedly, 10.30 i had to be ready and having breakfast, but at 10.30 i woke up. So i took a fast bath, skipped breakfast and went off.

At the woodlands interchg, i was walking towards the 168 bus line, i met nazim and the gayong peeps. I chatted a few minutes with them and off i went to que up. Actually i missed the 168 that im supposed to board due to my bad eyesight. I dun want to run all the way there to catch the bus and end up it is the wrong bus. HEH.

I was in the line listening to my MP3 as usual. I got a msg from Rizal. Told me to go out of the line and sit beside him outside. I and my bad eyesight luk around for him. It's easy to recognise him actually. It's actually the way he dress. His cap and jeans and white polo-T. So i sat beside him. He asked about my condition and how i took the situation. I just answered fine and ok wen actually, i missed her so much. That i teared a little that i din luk at him wen tokking. He apologised for her cudden come on Wednesday. I say its ok. I know he was busy with his stuffs, work and classes. & blablabla.

I saw Cik sofi and children. So i went in the line with them. I din tok much like i used to. So the whole journey to Uncle Aziz's house at tampines i kept quiet. I drop in front of the tampines reginol library and board bus no.29.

Did physics. Uncle Aziz and his usual comments PLUS chatters make me have the interest in physics. I hope i pass. I want to impress myself. and my parents. I know they are hoping the very best from me for my end yr. Well, prelims although din really count, but it makes me trigger so much if i cudden get the things on hands. I am trying my very best; my ultimate best.

Supposedly, at home, im supposed to attend the kenduri for my granny. But, i cuddent as this is the last previews. But at least ive did mine myself for her after my 'maghrib' prayers. And i felt closer to home. As ive mentioned in my previous posts, i prefer to be alone rather then have sum1 and it will tke my time to be with my family. WHICH i dun want it to happen.

p/s: ive took pictures for ytd ndp training. n ive uploaded it at my fwensta. TAKE A LOOK!

@ 4:27 AM

Friday, August 1, 2008 ♥

Duhai nenda..

Tak aku sangka begini pantas masa berlalu. Tika aku sibuk dengan kerja dunia, kau pergi meninggalkan kami sekeluarga. Aku mengorak langkahku lebih pantas dari dulu. Tak sanggup aku biarkan ibu menangis akan pemergiaanmu...

Tiada lagi panggilan nenek yang bolehku ucapkan. Tiada lagi dapatku lihat manja dan senyuman tulusmu. Jaranglah kedengaran bacaan suci Al-Quran serta suaramu. Hanya kenangan dan potretmu buat renungan...

Terkilan hati menahan sebak. Terkenang kembali waktu kau mengadu sakit, resah dan gelisahmu. Melihat matamu yang dulu kuyu dan sayu kini terutup erat dan rapat. Dulu kau membacakan Surah Yaasiin pada insan lain, kini giliranmu mendengarkan, anak-anak, cucu-cucu dan saudara-mara membekalkan ayat suci buat bekalanmu. Dahulu kau mandi sendiri,membersihkan tubuhmu setiap hari. Kini, kau butu bantuan orang untuk membersihkan jasadmu. Lembut,bersih dan suci jasadmu. Terpegun aku melihat kebersihan yang kau jaga sepanjang hayatmu.

Tak sanggup lagi aku, melihat penderitaanmu, biarpun sukar untukku terima, akanku redha atas pemergiaanmu. Semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat. Ku sedekahkan Al-Fatihah buat bekalan di hari nanti....

@ 1:29 AM